Doctors, Doctors, Doctors

So... I talk to my Cousin Jenny pretty frequently... well, at least maybe once a month I try to call or e-mail. I had to kind of alienate myself from her over the past year because we were both going through the same thing - trying to get pregnant and no luck. I hate to say that my jealousy takes over me sometimes. Especially since she had only been trying to get pregnant for a year before she started seeing a Fertility Specialist. I hate that I get like that, but I just get so emotional with this stupid fertility stuff. At the point she started seeing her Specialist, I had been trying for 2 and a half years. I guess it shouldn't have mattered, it's not her fault she had health insurance and the funds to afford her Specialist and I didn't. Either way... she's grown up with me, being as close as a Sister. She's pregnant now from her IVF and I hate myself sometimes because I wish I could have "manned up" and put my emotions on the back-burner so I could have been there for her while she was giving herself shots and going to the Doctor on a daily basis, but I guess I'm just a weakling and couldn't. Shows how great of a person I am :-( I have a feeling that's going to be one of those things I'm going to forever regret and take it to the grave.
Anyway... She's such a doll, a great person, friend, cousin, sister. Her Doctor, Dr. Honore, gave her the name of a Doctor in Dallas that he recommends to all his out-of-town referrals that he's un-able to see. Doctor Samuel Chantilis is his name. He's supposed to be one of the best in Texas, if not in the Country. He's been voted D Magazines best Fertility Doctor every year since 2001. I've googled this guy and HAVE TO SEE HIM. Sure enough... HE'S IN MY INSURANCE NETWORK WOOT WOOT! Unfortunately, there's a 2 months waiting list to see him :-( but, hell, we've been waiting for 3 1/2 years, whats 2 more months right? I'M SO EXCITED!

Almost 2 years later, still no baby...

It's amazing to go back and read the blog I first posted on here Sept. 9, 2009. It's amazing how much my life has changed since then, and how much it hasn't changed. We are still struggling to try to conceive, but it isn't such an emotional strain these days. I guess we've kind of become numb to it all. Over the past 2 years I've cried, my husband has cried, I've seen more and more people get pregnant, but thank goodness everyone understands when I somehow don't make it to baby showers. Self-Employment and not having insurance has always been the issue. On March 23, 2010 I quit selling Real Estate and went on with the US Army Corps on Engineers in their HomeOwner's Assistance Program Department, in order to hopefully get hired on full-time (I was hired as a Contractor, with no health benefits of course). It never happened. As a Contractor you make so much more as what they are willing to pay you as a permanent Employee. I was so offended at how much they wanted to pay me that I to go permanent that I immediately started looking for other employment. I did my research on different Employers that offer infertility benefits. HAH! Did that narrow down the list of prospects! I found that several parenting magazines noted Bank of America as one of the top Employers to work for due to their benefits that they offer for infertility and adoption. Luckily they were hiring... temporary staff. But, if I could just get my foot in the door, I knew I would succeed. I would do whatever it takes to succeed, for those benefits, so I can one day have Jacquelyn or Jackson. I was hired on temporary on October 18, 2010! I moved up a position within 6 weeks of employment, but still no permanent position and still no health benefits.
I'm thankful to say that July 13, 2011 was my first day as a FULL TIME PERMANENT EMPLOYEE!!! I'm thankful to say that September 1, 2011 I will officially have healthcare. I'm thankful to say that my healthcare will cover all of my InVitro.
John and I have started looking for Doctors again and are going to interview a few. We've moved to Arlington over the past couple years and made the most perfect little home for ourselves. We won't be able to see Doctor Gomez because she's about 50 minutes away from us now, but I am forever hopeful that I will find someone that will make me just as excited.
We are fighting for you little Jackie or Jack! It WILL happen!

HELLO blog....

1 month before john and i got married, we decided we wanted babies right away. we were SO VERY excited to get started. we thought, well... if we start the month before we get married, and i end up pregnant - no one will ever know. how clever were we???

a year and a half later... still no babies.

it's been quite a journey. it's emotionally draining, really. unfortunately, i think i was the only female in my generation to get the "controlling garza gene". i over-plan everything. i have a vision of how i want my life and how i want things to be. i will do anything and everything to have my vision become a reality. it's been a hard struggle for me to understand that there's just some things i have no control over. i always thought... when i want babies, i will have babies. i never thought i would have to be the girl that has to sit and chart my ovulation days, basal temperature... i even read a book with pictures on how to tell i'm ovulating by the color of my discharge. i would sit there and try to make out if my discharge was creamy, clear, or crusty. i've paid a woman that told me she could guarantee me a baby by doing a uterus massage, that predicted my previous mis-carriage, all for the small price of $300. i've ordered potions over the internet that say "there's a baby in every bottle". i've taken every desperate measure i could possibly think of... except go to the doctor.

you see, me and john are both self-employed. even though we're both young (28 and 32), insurance for us is around $300 monthly. what they don't tell you is that the $300 a month does NOT cover maternity. so then we researched maternity riders... WOW. every insurance we looked in to that covers maternity has a 12 month waiting period and ranges from $600 to $800 a month. after exploring the costs of insurance and exploring the costs of just paying cash... we've decided to go the cash route.

so then it came time to pick a doctor. little did i know... most doctors in the north dallas area do not work with cash paying patients. after about 9 call attempts and one lady very rudely telling me "we don't take medicaid patients"... i broke down and gave up. i could not believe that doctors prefer working with insurance? why? because they can charge them more? and how can they discriminate against people's financial status and not take medicaid? it's a cruel, cruel world that i've been learning is based on politics and money. people don't become doctors to help people anymore. they become doctors to live in a $500,000 house, buy versace suits, and prada shoes. every now and then they'll do pro-bono work to help get their name in a medical magazine... but no longer are people doctors to actually help the sick and needy. there's no passion in the healthcare field. or, is there?...

after calling john, crying my eyes out... telling him that no one will help us, he became my knight in shining armor. he was NOT going to let this break us any more. he called doctor after doctor after doctor. he ended up calling the hospital by our house, richardson regional hospital, and talked with them about our struggle. apparently they knew EXACTLY what we were going through and pointed him in the right direction. they told him that if we plan ahead and use a doctor from their list of doctors that work with "cash paying patients", we would get a lot of discounts.

we had our first appointment with Doctor Anne Wang Gomez on August 24th, 2009.

OH WHAT A JOY! she was SO awesome! we told her everything that we had been going through. she surprisingly was able to dig up the last ounce of hope i had. we talked with her for an hour and she answered so many of our questions. she gave us advice for "in the bedroom" and outside of the bedroom. she gave us A PLAN. how wonderful it is to have a PLAN! we got to meet her staff and had a chance to sit down and talk with them about pricing and payment plans. she was truely god sent, and i can honestly say i've gotten up every morning and thought about her... hoping she has everything in life that she wants, because i know she's going to be the person to help give me and john everything we want... a family of our very own.

so... with all that being said, welcome to my blog! today is my second day of ovulation testing. dr. wang wanted me to start with ovulation testing first. i'm supposed to document the results every day and document every sexual encounter with john ;) my ovulation tests require me to pee in a VERY SMALL cup every morning for 20 days. i'm thinking about writing the makers of the ovulation test and tell them they need to make a BIGGER cup.

john is also getting tested this month. i'm calling tomorrow to set his appointment for the week after next. we'll keep you updated...

we're so very excited!!!